I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat

So yesterday I had a dream about loose-leaf paper. And there was an abundance of it (in the dream). And the scary thing is, I think the sight of it made me very happy (happiness, afterall, is a feeling that is hard to forget). I'm not really sure what that's supposed to mean, exactly, but I think it finds its roots way back to the fact that I am constantly at a loss of paper in school. Which is distressing because that forces me to borrow from other people who are usually less than kind. I know that I physically go and buy a stack from Staples every now and then but for some reason, when I actually need the paper, I can never find any. And maybe this has somehow registered into my brain as being a traumatic experience and so, I'm left with dreams that make no sense and instead make me feel like a psycho. <strike>But that's nothing new.</strike>

And apologies for the horrible teenage!angst post yesterday. Sometimes, you just gotta freak out a little. Although I do it a lot more often than I would like, really.

School news: Finished Ellison's Invisible Man (ugh) for AP English and preparing to write a final paper on it. In the meantime, starting on one of my all time favorite books (finally), F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Because I was pissy last night I fell behind in my reading for Dicken's David Copperfield (damn it) but hopefully I'll catch up tonight, after the Rutgers poetry reading thing (it should end at 8:30. Maybe get home by 9:00? No sleep for Gracie tonight, I see). That class is the king class of student multitasking.

Why am I blogging so much all of a sudden?

I'm also behind on SAT work.

I miss fandom. I saw my PS2 yesterday downstairs collecting dust (no, literally. It's like, grey now). I realized what a huge waste of money it was since I never, ever play anymore. Oh well, during the summer it's coming with me to Taiwan, irregardless of how heavy it is. Which it is, actually, very heavy. Speaking of which, summer needs to come faster.

I like kids, because I only love people for a little while.

Okay, real entry this time. Which means, cutting it with the 500kb sized pictures. Before we talk about today let's talk about the days that surround it, say, yesterday and tomorrow, specifically. Let's start backwards up the alphabet with "Y" (why, indeed? Hardy-har-har). So yesterday -

I worked (actually, it seems, I'm always working on something. I feel like a robot) which really means, I studied and/or buried myself from head to foot in books that are usually very uninteresting. I crammed a little for SATs (just to appease my conscience and my parent's credit card - 40+ dollars to take one freaking test? Do you know how many articles of clothing I can get for that price? Or how much food? I could buy half of 7-Eleven with that) and I read my daily three chapters of Dicken's David Copperfield (for an AP English project. Why would I read that in my spare time? Discworld has already taken that slot in my life). I don't really know whether or not I enjoyed myself (enjoyed myself? What the hell am I talking about? I don't even think I know what the word "enjoy" means anymore) because this has become such a routine for me I just do it without thinking. I believe I could actually live out 90% of my life completely asleep. But generally? No, I probably did not very much like what I was doing while doing it; I am constantly trying to find an escape route but then realizing that, even if I did escape, the result would not have been much better anyway. When a person is just generally unsatisfied, there is very little that can change it.

There was one thing that was slightly nice that happened yesterday. Actually, there are two things: First, I wrote, compulsively almost, 2-3+ pages in microsoft word for the collab me and Lily are doing (on LJ) which made me amazingly giddy. Second, the Discovery Channel had a marathon of the program "Planet Earth" which I adore in honor of Earth Day (*points to the giant, cartoony bubble-like pictorial of said planet below in the last entry*).

Tomorrow I will go to an awards ceremony thing with Jenny at the Rutgers campus in Newark. We won some poetry contest. I'm going to be allowed to skip the orchestra dress rehearsal that same night. Victory. ...and that's about it for that.

(I now ask that you give me one tiny paragraph for me to vent in a rather depressing, sentimental manner. Please excuse me. I've just got to get it out because it's just so pathetic). Now onto the topic of my life. Which I currently hate. No wait, let me rephrase that - I hate my position in life. I don't hate life, no, I like it. It has trees, and books, and dessert. I love life. It's the living part and the doing things part that gets me. As well as several people which I hate, albiet in a sort of regretful manner (merely because I'm so freakishly forgiving), because frankly, some people, they're ruining my life. Probably without knowing it too. I also realize, more than ever lately, that I am a miserable, lonely, human being. But let's not elaborate because one, I originally wanted this to be brief because I don't like talking about it - it makes me sound emo - and two, when I for some reason talk about things I don't want to talk about (like in this case), it makes me want to vomit. And that's ugly. Which means this will stop, right now.

I can't find my nail polish remover and it's ticking me off.

Now on to today. The weather was so nice -70 degrees or more? - but that's were the good stuff sort of ends. School apparently won't stay off my back and I'm swamped with tests (which I should be studying for instead of typing this) and work and things that makes me want to break something. I had the genius idea of walking home today in flip-flops (which hurt like hell, thanks) and got severely abused by UV rays most likely. I did stop by the library though and got some leisure reading books (which I will probably never read because time won't allow it but, it's the thought that counts). Got home and proceeded to get lectured (i.e. yelled at) by mother over something ridiculous which leads into my overall horrible mood, right this instant. And now, at around 5:00 pm, I await the rest of my day with a certain degree of horror. Greeeeaaat. Realm of eternal suffering, here I come.

This Cyan Colored Planet

Happy Earth Day 2007! For one day at least, let's try and help perserve our dinky little planet by recycling and showing some love. You know, without this place, we'd all be burned up into tiny little microbits in space and cease to exist. How horrible (I guess. For some people. Some others just have it coming).

Uh. This was totally not just a smooth, random, re-entry into Xanga by me. No. Sure. Course not.

In Which I love work. It fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours.

I am stuck at home studying for things I don't care for but will ultimately ruin my life anyway. SATs were yesterday. I've to take them another time. Great. I almost need to supress the urge to SDFJSLK my eyes out.

Meanwhile, this is what they're doing in Japan. (That's Arashi by the way. To no one's real surprise.). Hm. I - I don't...I. Okay. (When has my xanga become just a crackpot of random pictures?!)

In which Gmail amuses me

Here's the actual article if you want to read it. I mean, last year it was in Brazil with some man who stole a few hundred pounds of fake (plastic surgery) breasts. Now this. What a wonderful world we have.

Didn't win the poetry recitation thing. But either way, I think it was a great experience. Hey, I'm a good sport. I wasn't expecting much anyway. Now I have to work on my Governor's School application (the second one, now) and hopefully I won't get knocked out of the water by the other...say, hundred people who probably have a lot more going for them than I do. But eh, whatever. Robert Weem's prompts are always fun to do no matter what. I don't need medals to define who I am. I may not be winning material but that doesn't mean it'll hold me back from doing what I want to do and what I love to do. I'll do whatever the hell I like doing and there's nothing and nobody who can stop me. Everything else be damned.

/Philosophical rant.

Anyway. HSPA = noes.